I DID NOT MEAN TO DO THAT is a series of archival visuals that expresses the urge to drown one’s emotions in consumption. Growing up with an American father, I was hea- vily influenced by the US-American pop culture. As a child I would see my father drinking and smoking in large quanti- ties, an excessive behavior of consumption. Seeing your idol behaving that way, must have romanticized the thought of drinking and smoking. So did the commercials that we would watch on TV together. Throughout my research I stumbled across Japanese commercials that, just like their American counterparts, were idealizing smoking and drinking before it wasn’t socially accepted anymore. 1990s Japanese and US- American commercials that originally were thought to help selling the product, are now a reminder reminder of self-de- structive behavior. The archival approach is a way of looking back into the past where my father ’s addiction must have influenced the way I think about consuming to numb. Does this reaction to feelings come from a social expectation of ma- sculinity? Inspired by the Hara-kiri, a disembowelment with a sword, formerly practiced in Japan by samurai as an honora- ble alternative to disgrace, I DID NOT MEAN TO DO THAT asks the question as to why we tend to “kill” our feelings to avoid embarrassment. It becomes a sort of ritual suicide of un- welcome thoughts.